My balls are so social today.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
