Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
