I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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