i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
