it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
