No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
please don't ironically join a cult
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