I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
