Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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