this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
