drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
