I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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