so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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