But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize