Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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