Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
