Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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