Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
