He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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