I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
