omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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