ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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