no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
