there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
