So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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