dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
