so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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