our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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