Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
