2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
