Your tits are I can't wait for
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
it glows. i had to have it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Randomize
