I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
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this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
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Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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