My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
