My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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