My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
