Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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