Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
