My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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