we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just had sex bonerless
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
