I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
