So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
