Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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