The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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