Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I need a beard to bite.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
