Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
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