Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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