just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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