I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
