Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
