he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
