Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
is it fun? or sober?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize