I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
