the new term for farting is butt boxing.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize