drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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