you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
