no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
