The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i wish my penis had a tongue
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
