Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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