now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
