Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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