Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
