If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
